...how to get over feelings for someone who you 'like' who clearly doesn't feel the same way, if you have these feelings for them frequently and you feel that these thoughts are letting you down in your relationship with Jesus, as someone who is single. (Btw I've experienced this a lot, so I know what I'm talking about when I'm writing this.)
- Firstly, pray - ask God to help you stop thinking about them. Completely.
- Ask God to give you different intentions for going to places and question the desires you have already.. i.e. are you going to church to listen to the sermon and catch up with other Christians, or to secretly ogle the guy(s)/girl(s) you know will be there?
- Ask God to help you trust in His perfect timing, and help you remember that singleness is a gift. Ask Him to help you remember you are single because of a reason... you have a lot more independence than men/women who are dating or married, so welcome singleness with open arms. Grow closer to God in the time that you have and do what you want to and are free to do without the 'burden' of being 'tied down'. Remind yourself that there is someone out there worth waiting for and God's timing is perfect... at the moment you may feel that everyone you know has been out with someone apart from you, but there will probably come a time when it will be your turn... and it is worth looking forward to that time. Remind yourself you are probably missing out on great opportunities and trying new things now, because you're dwelling on people who don't give you the attention you deserve as a child of God. Pray for opportunities that will get you involved in other stuff that's good for your spiritual growth - helping out in church, charity work, music, children's work, preparing bible studies etc..
What you should do after you've prayed...
- Subtly avoid the person(s): so if they're at church/school, don't try to talk to them so much, or if you text the person(s) or send them e-mails, avoid sending so many.. and don't stare at your phone/computer waiting for a reply from them.
- Read 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' by Joshua Harris... it reminds the reader of the freedom and the opportunity of finding out more about Jesus and the benefits of spiritual growth in Him, a gift that singleness can bring, a relationship you can pursue deeper when you're not dating someone.
- If you have a crush on someone, it's inevitable that your mind will often wander to them. If this happens and thoughts of them pop into your brain on a permanent basis and they are thoughts you know it's wrong to think (nuff said) then think of something else, like a Bible verse about purity or work you really have to do and think about that instead.
- Write a poem about how you feel, or write something down expressing your feelings... maybe write a letter to her/him explaining how you're trying to get over them and how you don't want those feelings for them anymore - but don't send them or show them to anyone!
- Keep on reminding yourself that if you 'like' someone and they obviously don't 'like' you back, then they're not worth thinking about in that way.
- Talk to a friend, preferably of the same gender as you, whom you can trust about what you're feeling, preferably someone who is not going to come across 'that person' ever. It's better if they follow Jesus too, because then they can pray with you and usually share your view on what you should do about it.
- Imagine if your crush(s) was/(were) in an accident and it damaged them in some way with serious consequences (use your imagination for this part).. would you still like them?
- Try and list all the reasons why you shouldn't like the person you like... are they following Jesus? Are they friendly towards people in general? Do they really care for them? Do they try and make new people feel welcome? Do they already have a boyfriend/girl friend? Do you like them just because of what they look like or the things they have? Are they arrogant, vain, controlling, superficial, selfish etc..? - it sounds really mean but pick out these flaws so you become convinced that they are not the one for you and you deserve someone better.
- Consider 1 Timothy 5:1-2 and other verses the Bible has in the NT.
- Listen to some music that will help you feel better.. not mushy stuff that will only make you long to be with someone, but something else... for me I find Avril Lavigne (*I cringe at those words I've just written*) works.. and a song that's come out recently by the Plain White Tees called Hate (I really don't like you), may seem a little extreme, but it's something I could relate to. Lost prophets is good as well.
- If you watch romantic movies, and find yourself afterwards wistfully wondering why you haven't found the 'man of your dreams' yet (this probably applies only to girls and women lol) stop watching those types of films. This can also apply to TV programs, magazines, music videos and novels. If you find these are a hindrance to focusing on God, get rid of them or don't watch them. Maybe get together with friends who feel the same way, so you can encourage eachother not to believe the lies Satan keeps on telling us through the media.
If you regularly read my posts, you're probably wondering why I posted something like this up, especially on my birthday (yes I am now 16.. scary isn't it?) Well it's because I realised a week or so ago about how much of my life I've wasted by thinking about guys. I don't want other people to waste their precious seconds of their lives thinking how I did (and sometimes still do.) Enough said, but do comment, I won't be offended by almost anything you say.
God bless you and have a great Christmas and New Year!